I would imagine that a lot of women who had just been told that they were. ‘A cheating, low life, piece of s*** would be pretty upset.
They might feel disillusioned, and that they had perhaps failed in some way.
That is only a small part of a message which I received this week. But do you know what ? It didn’t upset me. Not one bit.
Shocked, yes. But upset, no.
I guess the sad thing is that it should have upset me. But it didn’t.
After all, they had called me that after making completely the wrong assumption, and failing to check that what they thought was correct. I am no cheater, or any of the other vile things that he called me. The allegation he made was totally untrue and unfounded.
When I blocked him on all my social media and phone, he still managed to find me. I deleted and blocked him there too.
Like so many people these days, with the stresses of modern day living, they may have needed someone to blame and take their anger out on. But it wasn’t OK to do that.
They may also have had an some sort of mental illness. But that still doesn’t make it OK.
It was a bit like getting a one star review as an author. Despite the other reviews of my books all being 4 or 5*, I did get a 1* review. I’ve never read it, and never will. It’s just an opinion, and if the others are all really positive, I sure as hell won’t let one bad one rile me.
But years ago it would have been so, so different.
One thing which I think comes with both age and experience, is that we get to know what really matters.
If you figured all that out at a young age, then I applaud you. I really do.
Most of us have to go through the bad to be able to really appreciate the good.
I spent much of my life ignoring the negative signs. Running myself into the brick wall. You know the one which hurts like hell ?
That was the only one I knew. Nobody needed to help me to hurt myself on it. I was already doing a mighty fine job of that myself, time after time.
It was only through getting to rock bottom that I learnt how to change.
Through those experiences and age, I now don’t mind if someone thinks that I am some sort of failure. It’s only a word.
We can stand up and change the connotation of it if we choose.
Being a failure meant that I:
- Survived 16 years of being abused as a child, and came out stronger
- Raised 2 wonderful children on my own without any sort of help, and came out stronger
- Was finally strong enough to stand up to someone who repeatedly abused me as an adult, and came out stronger
- Took 25 years to write my first book, despite many setbacks, and came out stronger
- Was bullied by a teacher for 5 years at school, but came out stronger
- Was ignored by those I asked for help when I was being abused, but came out stronger
- Was told numerous times that I was a complete failure in everything I did, but came out stronger
- Beaten black and blue on a regular basis, including a spine injury, but came out stronger
Like millions of women, I am stronger now because of the nasty and vile things which I have endured.
Ladies — If you are, or have been, in any of these situations or similar, you are not a failure. You are strong, kind and beautiful, and will continue to be so despite the bad days.
One thing that I am totally sure of, is that if a failure is either one, or all of those things, then I am quite happy to be exactly that. I am so much stronger now because of them.
You can do this ladies! Don’t ever let anyone, or anything, stop you.
Let us fail if we must, and then rise above as women who have become stronger forever despite it.